How come you don’t call me? :: when you like someone who doesn’t like you back

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“A mighty pain to love it is,
And ’tis a pain that pain to
miss;
But of all pains, the greatest
pain
It is to love, but love in vain.”
Abraham Cowley

Which is more painful: unrequited love or having a long key with ridges cut a few millimeters into your finger? I’ve been through both and can’t quite decide!

We’ve all loved someone who didn’t love love us back. And even though you knew you had no chance with them, it hurt like nothing else! We often laugh about people who are “in love” with people who don’t even know they exist. Of course, that’s the funny kind of unrequited love. My friend has two or three of those, she jokingly calls them “yummians” and hearing her talk about them is hilarious. She gets so excited when she catches a glimpse of them around town, even though they don’t see her.

They don’t see her.

That is what not being loved back feels like, right? Like you’re not seen. Even when they see you with their eyes, they do not see you with their hearts so you may as well be invisible. But we  want to be seen so we put ourselves out there: go to the places he goes, read up on the stuff that he likes for your next conversation, hang out with his friends – be seen but be discreet.
Or if you’re more stalker-like assertive, you might monitor what time he usually appears on Facebook and have a “fancy seeing you here” chat session. Another effective method would be to like every photo in which he appears so that he gets 64 notifications, just in case he’s forgotten your name.

That would get his attention.

Even after you have someone’s attention or friendship, it is the saddest thing not to be able to tell them. It’s awkward and tricky to navigate. But maybe you did tell them, or they chose someone else, or maybe you just knew…

And it hurt you.

Rejection always hurts.

Rejection tells you that there is something wrong with you, something missing that the other person is looking for. Rejection tells you that you are not enough and you never will be. You’re not cool enough, smart enough, cute enough. You’re not beautiful enough.

Rejection exposes two desires or longings of the human heart.

The desire to be beautiful and to be perceived as beautiful.
It is why we spend hours on our hair and make-up and take ages to leave the bathroom. But maybe your idea of beauty is something deeper than the eye can see- you long to be seen as beautiful too – you long to be enjoyed, for people to take pleasure in your company. You find affirmation not just in people calling you pretty, but deep and smart and kind.

Every woman longs to be chosen. Because being chosen is an affirmation of our beauty. And not being chosen can feel like a statement of unworthiness. That’s where the lies come in, and the messed up emotions: ashamed, embarrassed, foolish, angry. And fearful, scared to love again.

Love banishes fear.

“There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear… First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.” 1 John 4:18-19

Every one of our hearts needs to know that God loved us first because this fulfills both the longing to be beautiful and the longing to be chosen. God loved you first. It is absolutely profound that the God of all the universe, perfectly beautiful in all He is has loved you even while you are imperfect and broken. He made you worthy of His affections before you decided that you were going to love Him back – that is powerful!

“When you became a believer, you weren’t merely saved from Hell. You were made to be beautiful and to show forth God’s beauty for the rest of creation.” Mike Bickle

Your turn:

Do you agree that every woman has a longing to be beautiful and chosen?

Do you think that you have been looking for this affirmation in relationships and not God?

As usual, I love hearing from you and having you share your thoughts!

Honey love,
Shula xoxo

What I’m reading:

M Bickle The Seven Longings of the Human Heart (2006) Forerunner Books: Kansas,USA.

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4 thoughts on “How come you don’t call me? :: when you like someone who doesn’t like you back

  1. I agree. Every woman longs to be beautiful and chosen regardless of them claiming to be different and unlike every other woman. I may be wrong but until I’m proven I stand by my opinion and yes, we tend to look for that intimacy that we yearn for in relationships rather than with God

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