I was watching the Queen Latifah show the other day and during one of her interviews she asked her guests if they could give the women viewers any relationship advice. They all pitched in with the usual advice but something that one of them said stood out to me. It went along the lines of *cue Texas accent *:
“I just wanna say to y’all, wait on the Lord and at the right time he’ll bring the right person along.”
*Cue canned applause * I’ll be honest with you, hearing that line of advice gives me the same feeling I get when I eat a dry cracker that I found lying around the back of the kitchen cupboard – dry, tasteless, stale. Bleugh.
Of course the Bible talks a lot about waiting on God, “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength” etc and I do believe in waiting for God- for deliverance, for an answer, for strength to endure. And when I read the verses on waiting, there is always a context: the farmer waiting for God to send rain, the people of Israel waiting for the Messiah. Those words “Wait on the Lord!” were said passionately, not as a pat answer.
That expression has become hackneyed and misunderstood. A trite answer that well meaning people give but doesn’t really mean anything. We must trust God for everything (including a great husband)- the air we breathe, financial provision, shelter, food. And yet no one sits there paralyzed waiting for God to drop manna from the sky. We get up, work and trust that God will make our efforts fruitful. So it should be when it comes to marriage. In light of that I have a list of things you can do instead of waiting for your husband to find you, here we go!
1. Get right with God.
Your relationship with God is the most important relationship you will ever have. Every other relationship of yours is supposed to flow out of that one. And until you get right with God you will be living in rebellion against him. Not a good space to be in!
2. Get healing.
My married friends tell me that marriage is like a magnifying glass. Your little issues become huge when someone gets under your skin. What seemed like a teeny-weeny scratch becomes a gaping, nasty wound when 1+1=1. So face your issues and begin to deal with them, whether it’s through a counselor, psychologist, mentor or pastor. The healthier you are, the healthier your relationships will be.
3. Get man-friends.
For all the years that I was in high school I had not one male friend, I went to a single sex school. I did periodically get phone calls from admirers who got my number from a friend of a friend, but those guys were just creepy. Years later, in University, I looked around and nothing had changed – I was surrounded by oestrogen. So I went out there and initiated some male friendships. Those of you lucky enough to have an arranged marriage in your future, you can skip this one. But the rest of us need guy friends. Because you need to get used to the fact of men being in your life and learn how to relate to them. Because your good friend could turn into that one friend that you keep for life.
4. Get a passport and travel.
The reality is that married people cannot just make unilateral decisions like single people do. You swop the “me” for “us”. There is no better time for you to go to all the awesome places you have dreamed of going- before the babies and the mortgage. Who knows, you might even meet him as you go.
5. Get your own car, house, or privately owned island.
Where does God say: “All the single ladies (all the single ladies) : thou shalt not own anything.” ? Owning stuff is not one of the 7 deadly sins. And there is nothing wrong with making money. I am incredibly inspired by my friend Wendy who built her own house from scratch and my mom and sister who bought a car- all single ladies! And I promise you, none of them were struck down by lightning or condemned to single women hell for it.
6. Get off your butt.
I know that most of us hate exercise, struggle to get into it or are just too lazy to bother. But recently I began to feel really bad about how horribly I treat my body. We need to love our bodies more. When you love something you treat it well, you do not neglect it. No matter how old we are, we are too old to let ourselves go!
7. Get schooled.
No, not the “Housewives of Atlanta” kind of schooled. I mean get an education. The more educated a woman is, the less likely she is to end up in poverty. Value your education, improve on it if you have the opportunity and use it to make other people’s lives better.
One of my dreams is to get married to a strong and beautiful man who loves God and will be a faithful husband and devoted father. I believe that marriage is a gift and a really good thing! I trust God to make things work at the right time but I am not sitting and waiting for God to drop a man in my lap.
Which one of the 7 things do you need to get going with instead of waiting?
Any additions to the list?