Smart Woman, Stupid Woman :: Don’t “Fatherzone” Great Potential

I just finished watching an episode from Season 4 of Parenthood and it got me thinking about how hectic being a mom or a dad is.

In that particular episode one of the dads has to have "the talk" with his son. Talking to him about personal hygiene and sexuality is not just awkward but that much more difficult to because his son has Aspergers. But he takes responsibility, does it with so much grace and I kept thinking, "Wow, what a dad!"

In the Smart Woman, Stupid Woman series we’ve been talking about how to build a relationship to last. And our discussions have centred around the fact that the guy that you’re with must be a man of character. Looks are great, charm will sweep you off your feet but it is his character that will stand the test of time and life’s storms.

Character may not be much of an issue for you right now, but I can guarantee that once you’re joined together for life, it’s going to be crucial. Especially when you think about the fact that your guy is the guy who will be the father of your children.

I’ll admit it, that’s a terrifying thought to me! I’m terrified that I’ll make the worst mistake of my life, marry the wrong guy and end up with messed up children and a broken up marriage. More to the point, my fear is that I’ll never trust a man enough to father my children well.

I know I’m not alone in this because I’ve had so many conversations with women expressing the same thing. We all want the kind of man who will father his children, as opposed to being a sperm donor. And we all have faith that that guy is out there somewhere.

Yes, he is! But many of us don’t recognise guys like this because they’re hidden behind a whack accent; a dodgy dress sense or a really boring exterior. And he does things like this:

♥ He budgets his income, saves and tithes every month;

♥ He knows how to cook, clean and do his own laundry;

♥ He regularly baby sits for his married friends and is great with little people.

Unfortunately, these guys usually end up in the fatherzone (a term I learned this week from my friend Malebo). They are more mature than their friends and are really responsible. If you have a friend who is "more like a father" to you, consider releasing him from the fatherzone!

Let’s take a look at Sarah and Abraham’s marriage one more time. If you read from Genesis 12 you’ll see the things that went wrong in their family and the things they did right. In Genesis 16, Sarah had kind of given up on God’s promise and decided that she’d take matters into her own hands, and Abraham agreed. She took her maid Hagar, gave her to Abraham to sleep with and she got pregnant.

You can read about the baby mama drama in the rest of that chapter. They really messed up! But look at what God says about Abraham in Genesis 18:19,

"For I have known (chosen, acknowledged) [Abraham], so that he may teach and command his children and the sons of his house after him to keep the way of the Lord and do what is just and righteous." Genesis 18:19

In the bigger picture, Abraham fulfilled this scripture, he became the father God made him to be. I’m convinced that Abraham won in the end because even though he did many things wrong and faced crazy challenges, he remained faithful to what he was called to and Who called him.

Abraham’s character is shown in the way that he took responsibility for what God had put in his hands.

So, what does an Abraham look like today? He probably looks more like the boring and responsible guy in your life and less like the moody and immature guy (who is usually really interesting and super attractive).

I’ll be praying that your guy is responsible and followable and, yes, attractive. But most of all I’ll be praying that you would become a smart woman, the kind who can recognise a good man.

Honey love

Shula xoxo


2 thoughts on “Smart Woman, Stupid Woman :: Don’t “Fatherzone” Great Potential

  1. I have been following your work for some time now, and WOW….you are really great. And thanks for opening my eyes about baby mama drama in Genesis. I really never knew that story!!!! Thanks for properly written pieces.


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