The most common reason why women today have sex with their boyfriends and don’t wait for marriage is:
A. the desire to be wanted and loved;
B. the superior attractiveness and awesomeness of today’s male homo sapiensapiens;
C. the results of global climate change › ranging from extremely hot temperatures (speedos and bikinis) to extremely cold temperatures (cuddles);
D. feminism, which leads to women thinking that they are homo sapiensapiens and can make independent choices.
I’ve heard each of those proposed as a reason why women sleep with their boyfriends. But I’m not convinced that any of those is the most common.
The most common reason why women have sex with their boyfriends today is because they don’t know any better. If women knew better they would think very differently about sex. If women knew better, that knowledge would completely change the way that they think about their bodies and their beauty. If women knew better they would understand the immense power of their sexuality.
Let me make it clear from the outset: this is not one of those conversations where I give you 99 reasons why you should wait until marriage and then hand you an “I Will Wait…” card for you to sign. That may have worked when you were in high school. Before you realised that God won’t strike you down with lightning if you do it just once or twice. Or three times, or three times a week. Before you caught on to the fact that boys don’t have cooties and awkward skinny guys fill out quite nicely. Before sex became a natural consequence of your ‘In a relationship with…’ status.
Things have changed; we’re not little girls any more, we’re grown women. We’ve outgrown the old scare tactics, the childish naivete. When I was 14 my idea of glamorous make-up was shiny lip gloss that was just one chemical reaction away from being super glue. It smelled like strawberries and tasted like paraffin. I wore it for years and didn’t care that it stayed for nothing more than 5 minutes on my lips and left them cracked and dry.
But that was before the night I met Ruby Woo.
You know how people say MAC lipstick is all hype and you can get a lipstick just as good for cheaper? Well, they’re lying- it’s not and you can’t. That first night it was like my lips had died and gone to lip heaven. The clouds parted and angels sang. I’d tried some nice lipsticks before but it had never felt like this. Every layer was like my lips were being renewed, all the years of chemical poisoning forgotten. I’d found the real thing.
The thing is, many will tell you that in terms of ingredients and appearance, there actually isn’t much difference between MAC and the cheaper lipsticks, except the price. MAC has a higher price but essentially provides the same product as its cheap imitations.
If that’s true, then why does MAC sell more and why does it have such rave reviews? Why do I feel like my lips were never more alive than the day I first found MAC? And why do I wait with bated breath for the next time I get to walk into a MAC store to try their free samples?
The answer lies in a mystery that economists call the price/quality relationship. When we go out to buy lipstick, if one lipstick has a relatively higher price than the other, our perception is that the pricier one is good quality. The person who buys the MAC has a higher quality experience not because the product is different but because they’ve paid a higher price. It’s a psychological thing.
Think of sex as lipstick – the dupe versus the MAC. Firstly, technically, both lipsticks are the same, sex is sex right? There’s no difference physically, you’re doing the same thing, married or single. Secondly, the MAC always has a higher price than the dupe. We know the real thing never comes cheap. Thirdly, our guiding principle is the price/quality relationship. The higher the price, the more superior the experience.
You and your boyfriend have a meaningful relationship, you’re more than friends. But ultimately your relationship will only last as long as you both think that you need each other. Sex between you and him is based on your mutual need for love, comfort and a good time. Tomorrow you can wake up, grab your clothes and leave a note thanking him for the memories.
On the other hand, sex with your husband is a full on commitment. That commitment is a promise you’ve made to each other before God. It’s weighty and it costs you. By choosing him you’re choosing to forsake all others. It’s an act that consummates the promise and then reaffirms it each time. Laying down becomes a symbol of sacrifice – the promise you’ve made of lifelong faithfulness, love and devotion to each other. Sex seals the vow that’s between only you and him and no one else, a bond broken only by death.
Husband sex is the MAC (oh glorious MAC!), boyfriend sex is the dupe. If you’ve never had you some MAC then you’re more likely to settle for the dupe because you don’t know any better.
The truth is that sex with your boyfriend may be technically the same thing, but it’s a cheap imitation and will never provide the superior significance of sex between two people who have paid the high price of marital commitment. When a wife gives her body to her husband and he gives his to her, it speaks of sacrificial love, one for another. It’s unmatched by any other human relationship.
It’s a reflection, a retelling of the sacrifice of the Christ for His bride whom He loved so much that He laid down His life for her.
Now that we know better it ought to change everything.