NB : No reblogging or Copy + Paste to your website. This is the writer’s property.
Over the years, there is one observation I’ve made about black people in various social situations. Amongst fellow black people, we don’t feel the need to explain ourselves; we just ‘get’ each other, even if we’re from different cultural backgrounds. When you’re a black person amongst white people though, there seem to be a million bajillion things you have to explain about yourself and your life.
And most of the time, black people don’t bother explaining because it’s too much of an effort.
In the interests of promoting social understanding and togetherness, here’s a list of things that white people need to know about black people. Very importantly, not all black people are the same, so not all of these will apply equally. Lovely friends, here are 16 things that black people need to explain to their white friends:
1 ‘Bring and share’ parties are a white people thing.
If you’re going to organise a party then you should cater for it, it’s a basic principle of hospitality. The idea that I must cater for a party that you are hosting is completely foreign to me. Alas, because it’s your party, I will go with the flow and bring a pack of Doritos, the ones in a blue packet.
2 Underwear must be washed by hand, every day.
When you walk into my bathroom you will almost definitely find a few lacy numbers hanging on the rail. Don’t be alarmed. I was taught to wash my undies straight after a bath, you were taught to throw them in your laundry basket (it’s gross but I still love you).
3 Closed guest lists don’t mean a thang to us, if I hear about it, I’m there.
Birthday parties, weddings, anniversaries and funerals are free for all. Relatives, friends, enemies, neighbours, people passing by are all welcome! It’s not weird at all when there are random strangers appearing in our wedding videos, it is part of the territory. A closed guest list is a sure way to offend a black person.
4 The words “gap year” don’t exist in our vocabulary.
There is no scenario where the words “gap year” can feature positively in a conversation between a black person and their mother, father or relatives. Telling your parents that you’re doing a gap year is telling them that you want to be unemployed for the rest of your life, period.
5 Hair is a political issue.
White friend, I know you’ve never had to debate the question of natural hair versus relaxed hair with your white friends. You probably didn’t know the difference. The hair debate isn’t just a silly thing to us, it’s a serious issue. Just Google ‘black hair blogs’ and watch Good Hair.
6 Don’t look surprised, disappointed or whisper behind your hand when black people pile their plates high.
Piling your plate high at an event is not gluttony, it’s wholly appropriate if the food is in abundance. We’re not being rude, we’re just being ourselves. Also, don’t laugh when we talk about taking leftovers home for breakfast tomorrow, we’re being serious.
7 Black people don’t do cats.
Don’t ask them why because they’ll look at you cross-eyed. We’re okay with you having pet cats but please, please do not expect us to cuddle, kiss or love them. In fact, black people don’t really do pets at all, dogs belong outside and are there as a matter of necessity, there’s no love lost between me and Spotty.
Get the rest of the 16 Things Black People Wish They Could Explain to Their White Friends for free by clicking this link!
Blue-Eyed White Dude here.
I thought I knew things (such as “white people smell like wet dog” and where the “kitchen” section of the hair is) but I didn’t know any of these 16 things. I found your blog while I was trying to understand why some Black people (most) that I’ve met REALLY REALLY don’t like “critters” (squirrels, raccoons, etc.). I see that you mentioned it above, and I’ve read similar posts from black authors to white pet owners who take their dogs in public. Can you go more in depth as to the why?
Also… are there any more than 16? Why none of these are known to white folk… seems something worth sharing that might break down barriers.
Great post!
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Number 2: That is truth.
Number 6: That is the truth with more truth added to it.
Love your blog!
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I didn’t reblog, but I did link. Hope you don’t mind.
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Spot on. Visitors from “home” should bring along some fruits or traditional delecacies
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Funny read and most of it hit home. Thanks
I have to say, the use of “black people” seems like a sweeping generalisation. I’m black African and have been exposed to #1 since I was in Sunday school when the congregation brought all sorts to share, I can say the same for most of my black friends. #14 I was taught to always take my shoes off when I get to someone’s house unless I want to get the “eye” for scuffing their perfectly polished floor. Different experiences I guess.
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Hey Cupcake Bunny! You’ve made a good point, especially regarding taking shoes off. The world would be a boring place if we all had identical experiences.
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I’m only able to get 7 :(
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Yes, some of “us black people” love cats. And I am one of them.
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It’s really weird to me, but a lot of what you say is also true of Afrikaans culture. Especially not going ANYWHERE in bare feet and dogs belonging outside! That’s how I was brought up. And the thing about unmarried boyfriends – yeah, that’s slowly changing. But bringing food to someone’s house comes from our history of deprivation. Yes, I know it now seems strange, but there was a time when we brought food so that no one was embarrassed. Just what history does to you, I guess.
But a great piece and one that fosters understanding. Thank you very much.
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Concerning point No 1: About 50 years ago I went with some friends to visit a guy called Elliot Mngadi. As it was close to lunch time, at the suggestion of some of the white people among us, we took along some food in case he felt obliged to feed his unexpected guests. The black people among us said nothing, but Elliot Mngadi did when we arrived. He said in African culture you don’t take food to someone’s house. It just isn’t done. It’s one of the cultural differences that seems to remain strong.
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Ahh. Thank you Shula. certainly an awesome read.
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I’m glad this information wasn’t “too much of an effort” to share, because infact I’ve found it very insightful.
My white cultural is increasingly becoming a very individualistic one. You just need to look at our big walls around our homes and ask us how much we know about the people that live down our street, to realise this.
So if we’re not even engaging our white counterparts, except for the casual “How are you?”, “I’m fine, thank you”, just imagine how awkward it feels for us to meaningfully question black people about their lives and cultural norms?
However, you can believe me when I say the following. Just like you might be envious of white peoples ‘perceived’ wealth, we are envious about the family bonds you have with people who aren’t even blood relatives, and to have your children grow up playing in the streets which our high walls prohibit our kids to do.
I can’t summarise my culture in comment box, but this does offer a glimpse of a somewhat one sided and generalised point of view of a 27 year old white guy. And I hope for more humorous conversations like this in the future, so we can starts understanding each other in a more meaningful way.
I do have one question: Why do black people snort so loudly? ;-)
(Side note: If you read this, I hope you sense my heart behind my comment and not scrutinize me on any facts. I’m open for meaningful conversation though.)
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sooo true:-P
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funny but so true
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I am sitting here giggling and giggling, my black girlfriends must think I am a complete heathen because I reckon I have misunderstood about 15 out of 16 of these things…it’s fantastic to read it :) (Although my dog Cake crawled onto my friend Linda’s lap about two and half years ago while we were watching a movie; and the two are thick as thieves forever more! Linda calls me “Baby Mama” now, referring to Cake as her baby. He he. Love this kind of writing, will subscribe to it…that, and I’ll remember that every time I go to a black girlfriends dinner I will only ever take a packet of blue Doritos in a completely ironic fashion! X
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Jst recently came across the post, writing is in u! B sure nt t miss ur calling. Interesting read! Xoxo
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not only it’s true, but it’s one of things that are more like first nature to us. I’m loving it
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Thank you! I’m glad you identify!
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was laffing all the way..so true!!i love all ur posts this expecially
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Thank you Dee! I hope you subscribed to the blog! :)
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As an educator of many a African learner, I learnt a thing or two today. Well done!
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Thanks Liezel! Just make sure you don’t generalise :)
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Super awesome. Tks
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Thank you VS!
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Well written. I so identify. I might include that hiring my brothers and sisters (cousins) is not nepotism. Nepotism as a word exists in capitalism, which glorifies competition and individualism. And there is nothing capitalist in the african way of life.
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Hi Farai! Interesting comment! My one word response to there being no capitalism in the African way of life: Sandton.
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I enjoyed reading every point, its like you’re from the house next door, brilliant writing
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Hey Mthandi! Thank you! Haha :) :)
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An awesome read. Beautiful
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Thank you Nokwanda :)
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WOW! So true. I could almost swear you come not only from my part of Africa but my family. Please give us some more “insight full” stuff. GOD bless you
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Hi Chara! Maybe we’re related??! ;) Thanks for your comment!
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True observations…also blacks don`t `die`, they pass on….
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Thanks Maka! True that!
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kkkk so true the boyfriend one was hilarious remembered hw l was beaten thoroughly for walking with a boyfriend and always wondered hw l was going to be married if it was taboo to hv one.
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Eish! You’re right, how are we supposed to get married??
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Oh very interesting and very true,I was giggling all e way reading e points
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Hey Vimbzy, I’m glad it made you laugh ;)
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I really loved this read. Great post!
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Thanks Little Birdie!
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Great blog did enjoy it
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Thank you! Glad to hear it!
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This applies to Indian people as well …
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Hi Aneesa! Very cool :-D
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You know when going into this I was kind of sceptical and on the look out for any kind of stereotypical notions; but I must say “It’s a GREAT piece!” I feel like saying congratulations, lol. Well done! Hilarious and entertaining.
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Thanks Simphiwe, I feel affirmed! :) <3
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Enjoyed this…another addition surnames/totems.
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Good addition! Wish I had thought about that one!
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Give that one umqombothi!
#Respect
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Haha! Thanks Esethu!
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awesome stuff. made me chuckle, too.
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hahaha very true especially number 15 .
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That’s true
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Lol all true
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Lol soooo true…Love this!
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Thanks Zahzah! :)
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Loved this, and I hatw to say I relate, but I’m Greek and 90 % of that article I relate to. Especially the bring and share and the respect of parents. Great read, and funny too. Thanks.
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Hey Shiloe! Thank you! And it’s really cool that you relate :D
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I swear as black as I may think I am, I am as white as they come. I fully understand that cats and dogs aren’t just pets but part of the family. freaking fantastic!!
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I enjoyed reading your post, keep on keeping on. A true reflection of our culture indeed
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Thank you Saziso! I’m glad you enjoyed it :)
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Reblogged this on Soul Canvas and commented:
I love this article so much I had to share it! It is mostly referring to black Africans rather than blacks in general. And as a black African I can confirm that all the points in this article are accurate! Enjoy!
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Thanks for the reblog Brandy!
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No problem, it was a great article!
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hahaha..awesome man. proud to be black.
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Thanks!
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3,6 & partly 8 though makes me wonder about the “blacks” you hang out with…. #7 & #10 are hillirious… Love being black though!
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I hang out with “normal” black people! :P Thanks for the comment Odwa :)
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3,6,8 are SOOO darkie – Just yesterday Iwas at a boardmeeting, as we left the white folks were taking “Skaftin” and have created a provision because they now GET it – no food is going to waste!
This list is totally on point…here’s another…when black people hang out together, they are not hating the white people, no are they gossiping- English is usually our 7th language! Sometimes we just need a break…
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The part of UKUNGENWA when your husband dies to keep the wealth in the family you are given to the brother. It is a dying culture but still practised in other parts of the country e.g KZN.UKUTWALWA again another disturbing culture but still exist where an old man is lazy to propose and just makes a little girl his wife e.g EC
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Awesome! Siyabonga! Enjoyed it a lot!! You Rock. :)
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Hey Sthabiso! Thank you, I’m glad you thought it was cool! :)
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Great blog!! And soo true. One more thing though I think should have been on the list is ancestors (amadlozi/badimo) I don’t even know how I’d explain it to my kids let alone a white person. But what you wrote is on point, but to cover everything you’d need to write books, lots. I loved your blog.
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Hi Tumi! Ah, yes… The ancestors story is a tricky one :-/ Thank you for your kind words, I feel encouraged to write more, even books! ♥
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Very true :) thanks for this
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Such a pleasure! Thanks for checking it out Sipha!
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SO PERFECTLY AFRICAN I CAN GIVE YOU THAT, WOW AFRICAN CULTURES ARE JUST THE SAME REGARDLESS OF WHICH PART OF TE CONTINENT YOU AT.
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Great blog!!!! Got me giggling but more importantly i understand my friend way better now!
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Hi Desiree! :) I’m glad you enjoyed it! Don’t take my word for it though, make sure you double check those facts with your friend ;)
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Fascinating truths enjoyed
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i couldnt help laughing at number 6 and 7..its so true. thanks for this!!!
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