How do you know if he’s the one? How do you know that he’s the one you’re ready to give your heart to for real? You’ve been together for a while now and the question is whether you what to take it to next level.
"He wasn’t the one because he wasn’t willing to pay the price for the pearl of great price." Wendy Griffith
In her book, You Are A Prize, Don’t Settle for Less Than God’s Best, Wendy Griffith talks about how she learned this lesson the hard way. She fell in love a man who broke her heart. In her disappointment and pain she realised that there were signs that she ignored because she so longed to be with this man, she longed to be chosen by him.
Griffiths talks about how all of her life she’d struggled with believing that she was valuable, she was raised in a family of critics. So when she got into her first serious relationship “I loved him but I had not loved myself.” So when he was lazy about committing or when he was stringing her along she accepted that treatment because she didn’t think that she was worthy of anything better.
You are the pearl. You’re beautiful and precious. You’re rare and unique; there is no one like you. You need to see this for yourself. You need to have an appreciation of just how valuable you are.
And when you get in touch with that and learn to love yourself you’ll be able to recognise the one. The one who sees you as beautiful and precious. The one recognises how rare and unique you are. The one who appreciates your value and treats you accordingly.
If he doesn’t respect your emotional and physical boundaries, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t value your mind and intellect, he’s not the one.
If he’s dating other women and still playing the field, he’s not the one.
If he forces himself on you, he’s not the one.
If he hits you, he’s not the one.
If he manipulates you to have his way, he’s not the one.
If he’s not ready to commit, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t support your dreams and passions, he’s not the one.
If he can’t celebrate with you when you do well, he’s not the one.
If you’re never sure where you stand with him, he’s not the one.
If your values don’t align, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t speak well of you in public and in private, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t go out of his way to make you feel special, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t study you and seek to understand you, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t tell you in words that you’re beautiful, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t show you by his actions that you’re beautiful, he’s not the one.
If he says, "I love you, but…", he’s not the one.
Before you even start asking how closely a man fits your list of things that you want in a spouse, you need to ask if he fully appreciates your value. Something’s value is seen in the price that one is willing to price for it. Your value is inherent, because God created you as the crown of all His creation – precious and unique. Your value is demonstrated in the price that the Christ paid for your life, His own life sacrificed for you.
A man who’s not willing to pay the price for the pearl of great price is not the one.